--

And there are these evenings when you just can't do anything. You fix your mind on something, something unattainable at that instant and lament your fate. Or go off to sleep which is in most cases a smart thing to do. But lying awake in half sleep listening to music which seems to dissolve at times in the background, one feels unhinged. Like for real unhinged. And its so addictive at times, I would wake myself up and be in this state intentionally. Once one has given up on alcohol one finds other ways to be delirious I guess :).

And I wait for inspiration in these moments. Something which I would create or want to create. Something which has been taking shape in my mind for a long time. Alas all that comes out are fragments of ideas in grammatically incorrect compositions.

Sometimes I envy people who can create things so easily. Like with a stroke of a brush they breathe life into paper, with eloquent sentences they create life size characters. An exquisite ease or an arduous struggle I don't know.