haha

Pointless proliferation of punctuations in positions to preempt premature perdition.

I am so brain dead can't think of anything remotely funny. I mean how boring can it all be. Can I ask someone? Hello, hey you mister: Do you know how much more boring it all can be? Hello?

Damn. Now what to do. You can read. Drift to philosophy. Take solace in fiction, find new bands. But how long can you be glued to your chair? How can anyone confine me to this stupid chair? Why?

Shit

I'm so bored.

Feel like destroying something. What can I destroy? Should I lift this heavy cisco phone set and make it take a flight across the desk to someone's computer screen? Should I break all computers? Or I cut toe nails (mine of course) and mix them in water? Or may be I knock off a few teeth from one colleague's mouth. Damn it.

(written long back during not so happy times)

l'enfer, c'est les autres

Interesting thought.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Trying to strip expectations, beliefs, attitudes out. Trying to get to the bottom of it. Realize that it is bottomless. Abyss.

But certainly, to know that all (almost) the reactions I or the other person have are learnt, acquired, helps to keep one's calm. There is a certain sort of detachment which feels great. Also the other person starts looking like a puppet. Maybe at the core of the feeling of achievement/success lies in our feeling of being 'intellectually superior'. Or maybe another learnt thing. It is impossible to strip out all attitudes simultaneously because to attach high value to stripping out these beliefs etc is itself a belief. Whatever that means. But certainly there is something which makes it more useful for some people I guess. I think one has to keep going back and forth - believe, strip it out, believe in something else, strip that out as well and so on. How does that that help us? Is that the purpose of existence? I don't know if it is. I don't know what that means now.

Study on Ethics can be interesting. Required probably.

And how is hell in other people? Because even if you strip all beliefs out (if at all) others won't. Damn!

Random Tidbits 2

~Our motives, our stories and our lives don't always make much sense.

~ If I were God and I looked down at the world full of billion people, each with his/her dreams desires ambitions, conflicting interests like people fighting for handful of jobsetc etc, I would need an optimization algorith of the nth order. Or I wouldn't fking think about the billion people an go discuss with my peers the existence of uber-God.

~ We try to confine multitude aspects of reality into our little compartments of ideologies, faith, beliefs, ambitions and dreams. What we see is not reality, it is the function of what we want to see in the world.

~ Am I one or fragmented? Are my dreams my own or someone else's? Are my thoughts my own or are they borrowed or manipulated? Am I one person or many not just because everyone sees me differently but also because I am myself a random assortment of traits, beliefs, dreams, likes, dislikes acquired from or inspired by so many others around me.

(written during Sikkim trip, Feb 2009)

snorez.......

What to do when sleepy in office?

- I've tried putting my head down and sleep. It works on some occasions.
----*****-----
- Find something to interest you. May be a person whose movements you secretly track.
- Revolve in your chair by 230 degrees or 280 (if too bored) and get a snap shot of what everyone is doing.
- Do slower/shorter versions of the swing to capture details
- Roll your eyes left-right-left to make sure you don't miss anything interesting
- Observe others' monitors. Sometimes they are more interesting :)
- Change wallpapers.
- Engage in small talk with people around you. Try to look interested and charming.
- Venture out to pierce their patience with dumb joke arrows
- See 'who is meeting whom' purely for the purpose of satiating the 'gossipicious-self'
- Try to read some finance document. Put head down after 15 seconds to get one of the most peaceful naps.
- Coffee can help.
- Work for a change. Seen to help curious cases.
- Try to address the bigger issues here. Say why sleep deprived? Wy so bored? Why no work? Why crappy work? Bitch about life, universe and everything. Others will bear with you thinking that poor thing had a bad night. While most people bear with me because of the X in place of Y.

Sick place.

Random Tidbits

I've to go someplace. Suffocated. Killed. Impaled. Ohh. Ahh. Shoot. Urrgh. Yuk. Hummf. Phrr... Grr..frr

Rare and fleeting are moments of satisfaction
All rest is filled with despair, longing
for what is not
for what could've been
for what is and i refuse to see

Is it expedient to be obedient
in face of zilch experience?

There is a sudden accretion of matter,
in the region aspiring the rouge.
There is accumulation of mist,
in the region in want of gray.
But there is the shadow of indolence,
cast upon the whole prospect.
If you think that your prowess divine,
Can impregnate the supine, the bovine.
If you think you filled the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the cup and the proliferation that's in it,
And--which is more—you are the Man beaucoup!

Ouch

Sign.. Sign? Sign!

There has to be a way to decide, to conclude, to realize "Yes! This is what I should be doing for the next few years!", "Yes! This work is for me." , "Yes! You're so made for me." I don't know, may be there should be a thunderstorm, or a lightening, or even a flower petal gently landing on my palm or maybe a dream. Anything at all. But it should be at the right moment. Not when, you know, I'm washing clothes or talking to a fruit vendor. I refuse to acknowledge the petal-falling then. Any sign, anything at all will do really. Just that the signs should not be too frequent. Then they loose their divine touch. May be an apparition or a sudden sense of being required somewhere. Yes both would do. Thing is, I don't know what to do. I don't plan my moves, I don't plan pee-breaks and water-breaks. There is something that tells me to get up from this stupid chair or to post something yet-again-stupid on this stupid blog. Why can't everything be that spontaneous? Why can't, just for the heck of it, I suddenly decide to go to Kanyakumari and pack my bags and leave? Why do I have to worry about tickets, reservations, leaves, passports, visas all the time? But the question still remains. What to do next? Feels like it is time to move on.....